‘Extramarital Relations of a Mother Bad for Children’
SYYED MANSOOR AGHA comments on a recent verdict that establishes the importance of morality, and asserts that we Indians need to safeguard our cultural and religious values.
In a welcome judgment a Delhi court has spelled out importance of morality over prevailing legal norms, and passed a decree on ethical grounds in a case of custody of minor children.
Additional District Judge (ADJ) Reetesh Singh of Karkardooma Courts underlined the importance of social and moral values against legal pre-eminence of a mother, and asked the woman to bequeath custody of her two minor children to their father. The woman has deserted the complainant to embrace another person, with whom she had established extramarital relationship while she was his wife. As a rule Indian courts grant custody of minor children to the mother in case of separation, divorce or death of father.
The court observed, “Imparting social values and ethics is an extremely important part of a parent’s duties. The first and most crucial place of learning for children is their home, and their most important tutors are their parents. An adult is free to take any decision; however, when adults are also parents, decisions taken by them regarding their own life also have a bearing on their children.” It further observed, “Extra-marital relationship of mother is not in the interest of the children.”
This is a strongly sane voice and we need to endorse with all force at our hand.
The woman, who had tied the knot with a humble villager of District Amritsar in 2002, deserted him after seven years and started living with a person with whom she had allegedly been in illicit relationship. Later the couple got divorce degree and the woman “married” her friend in June last. She has two children of seven and three and now has settled down in a slum cluster in the Capital.
Issuing the order, the court said, “Choosing to indulge in an extra-marital affair and exposing her children to it would have left a mark on the children’s minds. She indulged in an affair with another man during the time she was married with the petitioner. In the opinion of this court, children’s father would be in a better position to impart social and ethical values to the minor children rather than their mother.”
So her ethical bankruptcy left the woman without her children, however the court allowed her to visit them at their father’s house periodically.
HEALTHY DEVIATION
The judgement is a healthy deviation from the tradition of ignoring moral dimensions while deliberating such cases and banking on flimsy grounds of liberty, equality and inflated obsession to fundamental rights. The verdict on rights of a woman in “live-in relationship” and de-legalising Section 377 of IPC may be cited for example.
Section 377 of IPC reads as under: “Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal, shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment, and shall also be liable to fine.”
A Delhi court, ignoring pleas on ethical and moral grounds, struck down the provision held that homosexual intercourse between consenting adults is covered under “the fundamental right to life and liberty and the right to equality” as guaranteed by the Constitution of India. Protests against the ruling however bore no fruit, and perverted thinking prevailed on lawmakers. Law Commission of India, Union Health Ministry, NHRC and the Planning Commission, either implicitly or expressly, came out in support of de-criminalising homosexuality, and pushed for social acceptance for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people.
“World over, people are accepting homosexuality” was the argument of Mr. S. Ramadoss, the then Union Health Minister. Blindly following the world is certainly not a wise choice. Judging what is good or bad for society should have some sane parameters. How can sexual anarchy be endorsed while we are seeing the western world destroying its family life and peace of life? Should we allow conversion of our society and our successive generations into sex hungry beasts?
EXTRAMARITAL SEX IN INDIA
It is true that the Indian society has been witness to both forms of polygamy (polygyny – relations with more than one woman, and in some cases polyandry – sex with more than one man) for long. The practice still persists in some sections. However extramarital sex never had moral acceptability. Now in 5-star cultures immorality of changing partners is becoming a norm of “socialising” and gays come out in processions.
An Indian sexologist, Dr Himanshu Saxena believes males by “nature” are polygamous. But what about women! A study suggests in Europe, a modern woman frequently changes her partner and may have “experienced” with up to a dozen. Dr. Saxena simply put it as, “The spouses may not click, and look for options elsewhere.” How simple it seems to change a partner, as it is changing a dish on the dining table?
BREEDING HUBS OF SEXUAL AVIDITY
Citing other reasons, Dr. Saxena rightly noted, “A liberal (sexually explicit) media and generally more openness (in interaction) with the opposite sex, such as colleagues, bring people closer emotionally and sexually.” This is where the Qur’ān strikes and ordains to its believers: “Approach not adultery, for it is a shameful deed and an evil, opening the road to other evils.” (17:23)
Here lies the importance of moderate dress for women, covering her person to save from greedy gazers. The Qur’ān says:
“O Prophet! Tell thy wives and thy daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close around them, that will be better, so that they may be recognised and not annoyed. Allah is ever forgiving, merciful….(33:59)
“And say to the believing women that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts and do not display their ornaments except what appears thereof, and let them wear their head-coverings over their bosoms,…; and let them not strike their feet so that what they hide of their ornaments may be known.” (24:31)
ALL RELIGIONS ORDAIN AGAINST ADULTERY
Barring a few sects of Hindus, no religion allows extramarital sex. Bhagwad Geeta says:
When a family declines, ancient traditions are destroyed. With them are lost the spiritual foundations for life, and the family loses its sense of unity. Where there is no sense of unity, the women of the family become corrupt; and with the corruption of its women, society is plunged into chaos. Social chaos is hell for the family and for those who have destroyed the family as well. (1.40-42)
Here we note that family system is plunging into the chaos, and the Indian society, which made so much protest against the proposed ban on a translation of Bhagwad Geeta in Russia, is itself drifting away from the ‘Holy Text’ and so drifting down the hill. So far as the text is concerned, Christianity and Judaism have also strictly sanctioned against straying in sex. But who cares the teachings. I quote:
“God gave them up to dishonourable passions. Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural, and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in their own persons the due penalty for their error.” (Christianity; Romans 1.26-27)
How this evil is being seen as a “natural” behaviour is evident from the arguments advanced in favour of infidelity. Recently a prominent woman psychologist of France, Maryse Vaillant advised women in her book: “Men, Love, Fidelity” has made headlines. She says, “Wives should welcome their husbands’ extramarital affairs as a sign of a healthy marriage.” She argues, “French men should stop being castigated for being womanisers and that keeping a mistress can actually improve a marriage.” She shamelessly declares her aim is to “rehabilitate infidelity”.
A study claims that monogamy has become unbelievable and “interchangeable mistresses” has become rule of the day in Europe, as Sylvie Brunel, ex-wife of France’s minister, Eric Besson has underlined in her book, Guerrilla Handbook for Women.
The solution being argued is that, once French women accept that the “fidelity is not natural but cultural”, and that infidelity is essential to the “psychic functioning” of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be “very liberating” for women, she writes.
DIVERSITY OF SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR
What is “natural” sexual behaviour? Answer is: ‘Follow the animals like dogs that do not live in pairs, and get satisfy your urge without discriminating the object whether man, any woman (mother, sister or else) even animals.’ Recently the US Senate approved of a bill by 93 against 7 votes that will make legal sex between human beings and animals, while also legalising sodomy. Gone are the days of Article 125 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) that states any human being who engages in “unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same or opposite sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy.”
Same is the effect of de-legalising Section 377 of IPC in India.
ALARMING SITUATION
A study (Yahoo Answers) suggests that the number of sex outside wedlock is increasing alarmingly in our country also. In Kerala it is the highest. Tamil Nadu, Maharashtra, the Punjab, Haryana, West Bengal, Rajasthan and Gujarat are also on red list. Big and metro cities have more openness and Mumbai tops among all. Interestedly, votaries endorsed that Hindus are at the top and Muslims are at the bottom may be because of free mixing cultural gap.
Indian society certainly needs to safeguard their cultural and religious values and not follow the world as argued by Mr. Ramadoss. In this scenario, impugned judgment is a ray of light in the darkness that has been prevailing.
[Syyedagha@hotmail.com]