If we do feel anger for the sake of Allah, we should make sure that we are not actually getting angry for our own ego or interests. We should express the anger in the right way; just because the anger is for the right cause does not give anyone licence to behave badly. There should also be some benefit in the anger. If expressing anger leads one to more harm than benefit then it should be avoided based on the principle of weighing benefit and harm. For example, when giving advice, say it in a good way, use good words and the best manners, and be careful not to escalate into a quarrel.
The anger of a true believer is for the sake of Allah the Exalted. In the state of anger, one should keep in mind his duties, rights of creatures and never oppresses anyone. He should neither make the use of indecent language nor act indiscreetly. All his acts should be based on rational considerations and are in accordance with the norms of justice and Divine laws. He always acts in a way that he will not regret his actions later on.
Allah says in the Qur’ān, “In order that you may not be sorry over matters that pass you by, nor become overjoyed by mercies bestowed upon you…” (Qur’ān 57:23). Therefore the ayah states that we have been made aware of the fact about the calamities so that you may not grieve over what befell you thinking that it could have been avoided and so that you may also not be proud over gaining a benefit imagining that it is the fruit of your own capability. Rather we should be patient over loss and thankful over gains because everything is from Allah.
It is natural for man to be sorrowful when a calamity befalls him. But if he does not weep and wail too much and does not complain against God and takes shelter in patience then he will not be punished just for being grief-stricken. Likewise, it is also natural for him to feel happy when he gets some bounty. But it is condemnable if he becomes proud and boastful.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) said, “Verily, I have been prohibited from emitting two foolish and wicked sounds, one that is emitted when something favourable happens, and the other that is expressed when calamity strikes.” In this hadith our beloved Prophet is teaching people to be emotionally balanced, not to become too happy when something good happens and not to become too sad when they witness something sad.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) said, “And I ask you (O Allah) to make me just, both while being in a state of anger and while being in a state of joy.” In this supplication Prophet Muhammad is seeking Allah’s help to make him emotionally strong so that he is able to make the right decision, both in anger and in joy.
Man’s emotions are mainly driven due to the things around him. So, in order to keep our emotions in control and avoid negative emotions, in this regard Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) once said, “Look at the people beneath you (in wealth and worldly affairs) and do not gaze the ones above you (in this matter). By this, you will not underestimate the bounty of Allah bestowed upon you.” (Bukhari and Muslim) If someone looks at the people who are above him in wealth and worldly affairs, he will feel jealous as he does not have it and will tend to get greedy. On the other hand, if he looks at people below him in wealth and worldly affairs, then he will thank Allah for the favours and will feel happy. Thus, following this hadith will help us avoid negative emotions and display positive emotions.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) has also said, “Love the one who is beloved to you in due moderation, for perhaps the day will come when you will abhor him. And hate the one whom you detest in due moderation, for perhaps the day will arrive when you will come to love him.” So when a person curbs his emotions, when he controls his mind, and when to each matter he gives weight in accordance to its importance, he will have taken a step towards wisdom and true understanding.
Uncontrolled emotions can greatly wear a person out, causing pain and loss of sleep. When such a person becomes angry, he flares up, threatens others, loses all self-control, and surpasses the boundaries of justice and balance. Meanwhile, if he becomes happy, he is in a state of rapture and wildness. In his intoxication of joy, he forgets himself and surpasses the bounds of modesty. When he renounces and relinquishes the company of others, he disparages them, forgetting their virtues while stamping out their good qualities. On the other hand, if he loves others, then he gains from them all forms of respect and honour, and portrays them as being the zeniths of perfection.
Islam teaches moderation in everything, aiming to create equilibrium so that one is always at peace with one’s self, the universe, and Allah. It is advised to avoid extremes in negative or positive emotions, as any extremes are destructive if left uncontrolled. For example, extreme happiness leads to indulgence in excesses to give a false sense of celebration, while extreme sadness leads to being destructive to oneself and others, as in committing suicide or causing pain to others. Thus, a person should have the quality of controlling his emotions and suppresses the motives of ill-temper through taking enough time before saying or doing anything. Excessive anger is a fatal disease, which can be considered a type of temporary madness.
iii. Empathy: It refers to considering other people’s feelings especially when making decisions. It is the fundamental people skill. Empathy is a transformative character trait that positively enhances all areas of your life, including your personal well-being, family life and work relationships. Not many people know the power of empathy in enhancing their own personal well-being, as well as in changing the way they interact and feel about the world around them.
As the states of mind, beliefs and desires of others are intertwined with their emotions, one with empathy for another may often be able to more effectively define another’s mode of thought and mood. Empathy is often characterised as the ability to “put oneself into another’s shoes” or “seeing the other side of the coin” or experiencing the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself, a sort of an emotional resonance. Putting oneself in another’s shoes is exactly what is described in the Qur’ān: “O you who believe, why you say what you don’t do yourselves.”
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) said, “None of you is a Muslim until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Bukhari) A person is said to be highly emotionally intelligent who puts himself in the position of the opposition before taking the decision. The Prophet also encouraged us to feel empathy for each other; he once said, “The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.” (Bukhari)
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) once said, “I start prayer and I want to make it long, but then I hear an infant crying, so I make my prayer short, because I know the distress caused to the mother by his crying.” (Ibn Majah) He shortened the prayer as he could understand the emotions the mother would have towards a crying child. In short, he displayed his skills of empathy. Through this hadith we can learn how emotionally intelligent the Prophet was.
The Qur’ān describes believers as those who practise compassion (which emerges due to empathy), which is a form of empathy that moves one to help others. Allah says in the Qur’ān, “And what can make you know what is (breaking through) the difficult pass? It is the freeing of a slave. Or feeding on a day of severe hunger. An orphan of near relationship. Or a needy person in misery. And then being among those who believed and advised one another to patience and advised one another to compassion.” (Qur’ān 90:12-17)
One account of the Prophet’s empathy in action is when he was sitting with his companions one morning, and members of a miserable tribe approached them. They had no shoes and their skin was stuck to their bones because of hunger. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) became instantly moved upon seeing their condition and the colour of his face changed. He asked Bilal to give the call to prayer and gathered his companions. After praying, they took up a collection for the tribe and generously helped them (Muslim).
The Prophet even had care and empathy for animals. Once, upon entering a garden, the Prophet saw a camel that was just skin and bones. Upon seeing it, he began crying, then he put his hand on its head until it was comforted. He said to the owner of that camel, “Don’t you fear Allah about this beast that Allah has given in your possession? It has complained to me that you keep it hungry and load it heavily which fatigues it.” (Abu Dawood)
Once, seeing a mother bird flapping its wings in desperation after some of his companions had taken some of its chicks away, the Prophet disapprovingly said to them, “Who has distressed this bird by taking her young? Give her chicks back to her at once.” This shows that the Prophet was not only empathetic towards human beings but also animals and this takes his emotional intelligence to another level all together.
Empathy transforms social relationships because it gives us a more accurate and deeper understanding of issues and conflicts. Empathy is a key trait to becoming a better spouse, parent, teacher and friend. Showing empathy at work enhances our professional relationships because we will begin to deal with our co-workers and clients by trying to first understand what they want, think and feel.
Showing empathy will improve our relationships and develop our character as a Muslim, because we will become a more compassionate and helpful person. The purpose of showing empathy is to improve your life along with the lives of others, by spreading compassion, care and comfort. Being empathetic does not mean that we put the needs of others above our own needs. Empathy is a tool that we use to make more effective decisions and to show that we care. Empathy is a trait that improves with time, and the more you develop this trait, the more it will benefit your life.
iv. Managing Relationships: The art of handling relationships is, in large part, skill in managing emotions in other. In Islam there is a great stress laid on that. Islam binds us in a brotherhood, which has the principles of equality and love. When the Prophet came to Madinah, he told people to love each other and for that he gave them the tool of greetings. The Prophet was the one who smiled the most and he never became angry. He told his companions to be kind to their servants and forgive them on their mistakes. Every companion of the Prophet used to feel that he was the closest to the Prophet. This attitude of the Prophet towards the right use of emotions helped him to have very good relationship with everyone around him, especially his companions, wives and children.
Thus, Islam lays much importance on emotional intelligence when compared to other intelligence, so it features prominently in the Islamic code of conduct. This intelligence is so very important that if rightly used will help a person to live with peace and tranquillity in the world. This simple set of rules for managing emotions gives the individual inner content, helps him maintain good relationships with everyone around him and also helps him concentrate on what is more important. Islam stresses on inner bliss and satisfaction. On the other hand, if emotions are used negatively in no time it will break families and relationships. There are many who earn a living, but fail to earn a life. Islam first wants to stress more on life than living. And we have an accurate compass, no matter how many times we fall; we will be contented with that because we know where we are heading.
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