In the Muslim society, a new family begins with Nikah (marriage contract). One aspect of the marriage is its contractual nature providing a balance of rights and duties between husband and wife and implying therein the basis for a dignified separation in the event of a breach of contract.
Another aspect involves emotional bond, which is based on love and compassion, due to which two strangers become a living example of “I am you and you are me”.
The third aspect is spiritual, which elevates the mutual relationship of wife and husband from the legal and emotional level to the sacred level, due to which the couple desires and prays for eternal companionship in the heaven.
This is the first basis of a stable family system that demands the adoption of Islamic teachings in marriage with consciousness and commitment. But, unfortunately, in the Muslim society, the concept of marriage and its Islamic requirements are becoming more and more obscure. The result of this is that dowry from bride and that too with demands, the custom of committing an unsubstantial amount of Mehr (obligatory dower from bridegroom) like peanut and that too with an intention of not giving it, and other deviant practices have become prevalent in the Muslim society. How can one expect blessings, peace and harmony during the journey when the new family journey begins with a crooked attitude, unless at some point a person realises his mistake and seeks repentance and possible remediation of the mischief. Therefore, it is important to make the Muslim community sensitive to the legal, emotional and spiritual aspects of the marriage contract.
RESPECT TO CONSANGUINEOUS AND IN-LAWS RELATIONSHIP
Second important foundation of the Islamic family is respect for blood and in-laws relationship. One side of it is legal and the other is moral and emotional. Both husband and wife have been obliged to pay their parents’ dues even after marriage.
At the same time, both are expected to have a sense of moral responsibility in relation to their in-laws, and the in-laws should also be aware of their limitations that they cannot claim the kind and service from them as a matter of right but they should try to endear their son-in-law or daughter-in-law with their good conduct. Do it so that an atmosphere of happiness and harmony grows in family instead of coercion and disdain.
But even this aspect of today’s Muslim society is badly polluted with indifference and nonsensical behaviour. Some young people, under the dictates of their wives, forget even the legal rights of their parents, let alone the moral and emotional responsibilities. This is reflected in the attitude of some girls also who get so lost in their in-laws family that they forget their legal, moral and emotional responsibilities towards their parents even though their husbands do not interfere with it. And if it does, the girl avoids the hassle of overcoming that obstacle.
In the same way, sometimes the father-in-law becomes too demanding to his son-in-law as if his own son and the mother-in-law starts whimsical demands from her daughter-in-law as a matter of right without being aware of her own moral responsibilities towards her daughter-in-law. There is a need to make the Muslim community aware of these aspects as well so that the legal, moral and emotional requirements of compassionate relationships are clearly understood. And the difference of legally binding responsibility and morally wanting behaviour remain crystal clear to both families of newly wedded couples.
INHERITANCE AND WILL
The third important basis of the Islamic family is the Islamic rules of Inheritance (Wirasat) and Will (Wasiyat). Today’s Muslim society neither understands the religious significance of inheritance nor is properly aware of its implications and requirements. So far as the guidance on Will is concerned, people are not aware of its wisdom and significance, and hardly anybody cares to follow the instruction of Will. Even those who sometimes heed to this instruction, follow the tradition of giving something only to the non-inheriting grandson. The Islamic division of inheritance requires the spirit of divine pleasure as well as a big heart. Just look at these feelings: (1) the father has already given much to the daughter in dowry and gift on her marriage, thus compensating her share in the inheritance, (2) the daughter may sell out the inherited property, then why should it be given to her? (3) the husband made the property in the name of his wife, now on the death of wife, why should the parents of the deceased (i.e. in-laws of living husband) be given share in this property? (4) husband inherited from his father, now on the death of the husband, the daughter-in-law’s share is ridiculous? Wow! Did it happen that the daughter-in-law has rightful claim as sharer in the property that her father-in-law once owned? There are so many situations in which such excuses are used to turn away from the Islamic law of Inheritance in the Muslim society. Therefore, it is very important that the Muslim community be made aware of the Islamic rules, the wisdom of Inheritance and Will and its requirements, and be made sensitive to the consequence in this worldly life and the Hereafter in this regard.
ETIQUETTE AND MANNER
The lights that illuminate the Islamic family are the Islamic etiquette and manner. Islamic way of life at home, respect for elders, compassion for younger ones, respect for parents, equal treatment of sons and daughters, hospitality and charity are some of the basic ingredients of a happy and strong family. A strong and pleasant familial relationship cannot be imagined without adopting the values of compassion, love and forgiveness which are prominent aspects of the Islamic society. Obviously, the promotion of these values is possible only gradually and requires constant teaching and persuasion. Practical examples of such families play a more effective role in enlightening the Muslim society in this regard and people usually try to improve their families by giving examples of such homes.
From these four aspects, the more the Muslim family improves itself, the stronger and purer it will become. Such families can also be seen as an example for the Indian society. Villages and neighbourhoods with such families can also be the cradle of social peace and tranquillity. And most importantly, such families will be a sign of paradise. In our society, the torment and agony of the members of hellish families throughout their lives can be observed in every settlement and every neighbourhood. We cannot form a good family unless we take action towards better familial ties. Personal conduct and household persuasion may bring positive results with the Grace of Allah.