In human society, a family (from Latin: familia) is a group of people related either by consanguinity (by recognised birth) or affinity (by marriage or ‘other’ relationship). The purpose of a family is to maintain the well-being of its members and of society. Ideally, families offer predictability, structure, and safety as members mature and participate in the community. It is within families that children acquire socialisation for life outside the family, and act as the primary source of attachment, nurturing, and socialisation for humans.
Additionally, as the basic unit for meeting the elementary needs of its members, it provides a sense of boundaries for performing tasks in a safe environment, ideally builds a person into a functional adult, transmits culture, and ensures continuity of humankind with precedents of knowledge. Societies around the world rely on the family to perform certain basic functions like: (1) regulate sexual access and activity; (2) provide an orderly context for procreation; (3) nurture and socialise children; (4) ensure economic stability; and (5) ascribe social status.
TRAITS OF STRONG FAMILIES
Some characteristics that are generally identified with a well-functioning family include: support, love and care, security and a sense of belonging, open communication, affection and appreciation, strong commitment, enjoyable time together, physical maintenance, sense of spiritual well-being, value, respect and esteem for every member.
Social scientists have classified families into conjugal (nuclear) family, single-parent family, matrifocal family, family of choice, blended family, and polygamous family. Nowadays it is very common to read news about sexual abuse and domestic violence within the family. Earlier, these were isolated incidents, perpetrated by mostly disturbed individuals. However, recent times have seen a spike in domestic issues and crimes (both, silent and obvious) where perfectly ‘normal’ people lose their faculty of thought over trivial issues. What ensues is a regretful tale of hate, anger, unbridled lust and lies. But the disturbing trend is the dismissal of such “petty” issues that enable them to be viewed as normal. Statements like “teens these days” or that “times are bad” transfer the blame of a horrific individual action to a collective conscience of a society.
It is of course natural for society to influence the actions of individuals but the other way round is equally true. Individual mindset shapes the mindset of society. Very often, the effects of an act may not manifest immediately or an act may look perfectly harmless but in the long run, it brings potentially malicious repercussions. The Covid-19 pandemic that gripped the world laid bare its wounds. It has, even ruthlessly uncovered monsters lying deep within us…within our families. Away from the ‘cruel’ world and into the comfort of a home, when people came in close quarters with members of their own families, the picture was not a rosy one for everyone. A nationwide campaign, “Strong Family, Strong Society” by Jamaat e Islami Hind was thus a crying need.
DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY
A variety of patterns can occur at times in dysfunctional families. But it is when these patterns start to become the norm, that dysfunction occurs. A dysfunctional family is one in which conflict, misbehaviour, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such a situation is normal.
Some common challenges faced by families are: separation or divorce, parenting issues, unemployment and financial problems, illness or disability of a family member, drug, alcohol, gambling addiction, etc. with substance abuse. Ironically, everyone is hurting and desperately trying to make themselves feel better in ways that do not work, ultimately adding more pain to their lives.
EFFECTS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES ON CHILDREN
When dysfunctional patterns become the standard in a family, the detrimental effects on the children are significant and a distorted reality can be carried into their adult relationships. Having to take sides in a parental conflict, parents either way too involved and overly protective or uninvolved and disinterested, physical abuse, rejection or favouritism, ridicule or being ignored, rigid controls, social isolation or loneliness, result in the development of behavioural disorders, being extremely self-critical, low self-esteem, development of mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression, difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings.
SO WHY DO THINGS GO WRONG?
- Religion’s circle of influence is confined to personal beliefs and individual actions. However, religion has clearly defined concepts of family rights, duties and responsibilities.
- New civilizations not only alienated science and literature from religion but led to the construction of a social and philosophical system which is totally devoid of the theistic idea and concept of judgment after this life.
- Acknowledgement of own rights but failure to understand others’ rights while failing to fulfil duties. No intention of sacrifice or empathy.
- Failure to recognise the problems and go on and on with them, thus normalising them. Egos and insensitivity continue to play havoc.
- A materialistic ambition in education keeps children from acquiring values from religious teachings.
- Parents distracted or occupied in purposeless entertainments and issues; don’t devote time wholeheartedly for parenting.
- Husbands away from home due to employment or estrangement, household and child-rearing responsibility doubles on a single parent. Absence of a father figure impacts the mentality of children in their adult life.
- It is precisely due to a materialistic outlook, that people seek old age homes for old parents.
CONTAINING THE DAMAGE THROUGH DIVINE GUIDANCE
Today, we are faced with so many challenges that it has become difficult to arrest the damage. If one is allowed to decide for oneself, one is bound to make choices that are most suited for one, ignoring or usurping the rights of others. Man needs to be constantly guided by his Creator as to how to conduct himself in the best possible way, to dispel his rights and duties justly. This is possible only from Divine guidance.
The institution of family has been explained in the Qur’ān in detail. One of the social obligations on every Muslim is to establish a society based on human dignity, equality and justice. These obligations begin with the establishment of a home, based on Islamic values.
Family begins with marriage which thus becomes an important element in the life of a Muslim. To ensure that one inculcates values in oneself, he/she must remain steadfast on faith. It is only through a feeling of awe for the Creator, that one can fulfil one’s obligations to God and social obligations to one’s fellow beings. One should follow the roles decreed by God to the best of one’s ability.
A consciousness of accountability in the hereafter prevents one from committing crimes, be they hidden or apparent. Acceptance, understanding and sensitivity can solve so many conflicts within families. One must recognise the rights of parents (maintenance, inheritance, healthcare and consideration), of children (love, upbringing, education, provisions), of spouses (respect, spending/ maintenance, emotional health, intimacy) and rights of relatives, neighbours and friends. One should also fulfil one’s duty towards the single, widowed or divorced woman (mother, sister or daughter). One must also protect the rights of the vulnerable elderly woman and the orphan child.