My path to Islam, I believe, began the day I was born. I was born into an American family in California, who did not want me. My mother was living with her future husband’s family and she and her future father-in-law were having a relationship of some sort while her future husband was in the military. I was a result of that relationship.
She and their son eventually did get married, but I stayed with my “grandparents” never knowing my “grandfather” was my real father. I never knew this until three years ago. And it tore my life apart for a time.
I feel that Allah was watching over me from my birth moment because He knew that those people wished me to not even be here at all and I believe He had plans for my life.
My family were wealthy people. I always had the very best clothes, music lessons, boarding school, etc. But, I had no love in that family. I cannot remember anyone ever telling me they loved me in that home.
I was very lonely and my “grandfather” who I later found out was my real father never talked to me throughout my whole life… He just ignored me.
I never thought much about it. I went on with my life. I was a very obedient child and teenager. I never challenged them in any way in life. However, when I met my future husband and he was black and they were white and they hated both him and his family, things started to fall apart between myself and my family.
I didn’t let their racist views stop me from marrying the man I loved. But, my family did all in their power to prevent it. We had 3 children. We went to church all our married life and raised our children in a Christian church and environment.
I always participated in church in music as that was my training. I was supposed to be a concert pianist but after marrying my husband that came to a halt. My family actually would not even give me my piano after I married! I eventually did get the piano but it was not pleasant.
Life went on…
My “father,” (who was my mother’s husband and my real father’s son, and actually my half brother), never liked me. He made this fact known to me and he was hateful and rude to me all my life.
I never understood why he didn’t like me or why I didn’t live with my “parents.” All I ever did was try to please my family, but to no avail.
Then, 3 years ago both my parents died and my half sister told me the truth about myself. And the truth was that my real father was the man I grew up with. It actually made me sick to my stomach. I threw up at the news and was sick for two years.
It was an awful truth to me. Mostly, because my real father would never talk to me. He never discussed anything whatever with me from a standpoint of hatred or love or dislike or anything.
Finally, after being in the Emergency Room with a very bad vomiting problem for 2 years, as I could hold down almost no food, a doctor told me I had to get a grip on the causes of my sick stomach to be able to get better.
And, as I do not like to take drugs of any kind I tried very hard to understand and come to terms with the whole problem. It took me a few months to get a grip on my life but eventually I did, and the stomach problems subsided although they continue to bother me much of the time.
Fast forwarding my life to 2002, I had a very bad fall on my church’s property. I had many injuries. I fell in a big hole, at night, down a hill. I was badly injured.
However, I could not seem to get any help. The church would not talk to me. The medical centre where I live would not see me. My medical insurance would not pay for my treatment, unless I had an attorney because it was a “liability” fall.
So, I went without treatment for over two months. My shoulder had come out of the socket, my foot was broken, I hit my head and also my right elbow and my left knee was injured. It was bad…
So, after all of my attempts to get help and treatment failed, I began to search for an attorney to sue the church and make them help me. Well, this started me down a very interesting path as every attorney I called and/or visited said the very same words to me; “You’re not suing a church are you?!!”
This went on for another two months. My injuries were getting worse. My shoulder was actually frozen and I was in horrific pain with spasms in my shoulder and right side that I almost couldn’t bear.
One day, I was looking through the yellow pages one more time at attorney’s numbers and I saw one I had not seen before. I thought, OK, I will try this one. So, I called. A man answered the phone. He was very pleasant to me.
I told him my story and how I couldn’t find any attorney to take my case. He said to me, “oh, this is terrible! You should not have been left lying on their property!”
I asked him, “Are you Jewish?” He told me “no I am not, I am from Saudi Arabia.” He told me he would be glad to take my case. I was so shocked I could hardly speak but also very happy about it.
I will say that he was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, so kind and helpful. One thing that surprised me was that even though he was not Christian, he would never allow me to say a bad thing about the church. He would say to me, “Oh! let us not talk about them like this.”
Of course, I had no problem with talking about them like that! I felt they should not only help me with my medical care, but also pay me compensation for my injuries as I could not work in my normal profession as a nurse any longer.
Time went on. I had trouble finding an orthopaedic doctor who would see me. No one wanted to get involved with suing a church or treating me because they were all afraid that they wouldn’t get paid if I didn’t win my case.
And I will say that my insurance company had the same attitude. They denied my request for surgery on my shoulder three times.
In the end however, my attorney quit my case and told me that I would do just fine with everything. He called me one day as I was driving and told me so on my cell phone. When he told me that I started crying and told him, “NO!! Please do not quit my case.” But he said, “yes, I must quit as I am going to a different job.” He told me for one thing I had already been through many trials with this thing and he did not wish for me to be in a bad court fight. He also told me that he felt it would all turn out very well.
I could barely see the road for my tears. I got off the freeway and as I was sitting at the red light, I prayed. Actually, I was screaming at God. I told Him, “Please God! I need to talk to YOU and YOU alone! No One Else! I have been through so much and I need YOU to help me as I don’t know where to turn now.” And I went home very upset.
The next morning the church’s insurance company called me on the phone. The representative told me, we have just faxed the church a message which says that if they do not match the funds in this account we are going to cancel their policy.
I was shocked! The first thing the person said to me was “we feel that their risk management person is going to hell!” That was a shock! However, in the course of the case, several people told me that.
I will say that my attorney was the most kind and good person I ever knew in my life. I can now see so clearly his Islamic personality even though at that time I didn’t know anything about Islam. I couldn’t even understand being like he was.
I now know that the whole experience was a huge test given by Allah. My very bad fall was a test for the church and for the insurance companies and for the medical centres and doctors and my family and me. Many failed. And I thought I knew God… I was getting closer to the Straight Path, but not quite yet… One thing that I now know which I never thought of then, is what a self-less and godly person my attorney actually was. I didn’t even think of the fact that he worked very hard for me in that case for almost a year.
However, he quit my case to protect me from the ugliness he knew I would face in court, and he knew I would win more money by what he did…but, he got nothing.
He went for justice and did that without arrogance, passing by falsehood and futility with honor! It is my hope that he gets many rewards in Paradise for what he did for me.
In 2006, on my birthday, my daughter put me on Myspace. At first, I didn’t even look at it. After a while, however, I started to look and I began to befriend people. And, my path led me to the site of a civil right’s hero of mine and from there I befriended a person who taught me about Islam.
I also read many blogs and bulletins about Islam and watched many videos about Islam. After many months, one beautiful and memorable day, the Shahadah was sent to me right here on my computer and I said it. It was the happiest day of my life. I had no trouble whatever grasping the sturdy handhold that Allah held out to me. I love Islam more than anything in my life. It has given me a peace and understanding, I never had before. Islam has taught me how to turn all the pain of the past over to Allah and let it go. Forgiveness was very hard for me to understand. I am a work in progress. Alhamdulillah!!
I thank my attorney, and everyone who had anything in their Myspace sites or blogs, for what they taught me about Islam. I especially thank a beautiful sister from Pakistan who gave me a copy of the Holy Qur’an and some other wonderful books in a beautiful gift bag. I met her through the Islamic Centre where I live. All Praises be to Allah Most High, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, for guiding me to Islam.