Turning the pages of the Qur’ān and the Prophet’s Seerah, SYED KAZIM presents the beauty of Islam vis-à-vis interpersonal skills.
Interpersonal skills are the life skills we use every day to communicate and interact with other people, individually and in groups. Interpersonal skills include not only how we communicate with others, but also the confidence level, the ability to listen and understand others. Problem solving, decision making and personal stress management are also considered a part of interpersonal skills. Interpersonal skills help us to relate in positive ways the people we interact with. This may mean being able to make and keep friendly relationships, which can be of great importance to our mental and social well-being.
People with strong interpersonal skills are usually more successful in both their personal and professional lives. They are perceived as more calm, confident and charismatic, the qualities that are often endearing or appealing to others. Being more aware of your interpersonal skills can help a person improve and develop himself.
Allah says in the Qur’ān, “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allah is ever a careful account taker of all things” (Qur’ān 4:86). The Qur’ān encourages people to reply to the greeting with something better and if they cannot they should at least return it equally, as receiving and returning greetings will help people to build their interpersonal relationship.
The ability to speak is one of the most amazing gifts that Allah has given to human beings. Human beings have a choice to use it in a constructive or destructive way. However, Islam has always encouraged every individual to use this ability in a constructive manner. Allah says in the Qur’ān, “And speak to people good (words)” (Qur’ān 2:83). The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) said, “He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak good or remain silent” (Muslim). It means nice, sweet or beautiful. It means we should speak words that touch the other person’s heart and bring relief to their soul. Words that make people happy, inspire and raise hope. Be an agent of hope in this world, not an agent of despair.
Allah says in the Qur’ān, “…and speak to them words of appropriate kindness.” (Qur’ān 4:8). It means to speak the truth, but kindly, without arrogance or anger. Allah also says in the Qur’ān, “O you who have believed, fear Allah and speak words of appropriate justice.” (Qur’ān 33:70). Abu Musa Al-Ashari reported, I asked the Prophet, “Who is the most excellent among the Muslims?” He said, “One from whose tongue and hands the other Muslims are secure” (Bukhari and Muslim).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) was a great speaker of truth. He was gentle, smiling and soft with the companions and with strangers. Kind words, gentle but true, softness of speech, this is the language of Islam. We should not leave any wound with our hands and words but we need to be an agent of hope. Adopting all these characteristics will help an individual improvise on his interpersonal skills.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) said, “If two Muslims meet, shake hands, praise Allah, and ask Him for forgiveness, they will be forgiven” (Abu Dawood). He encouraged people to shake their hands as shaking hands provides physical contact between two people and would strengthen one’s relationship and would ultimately contribute to one’s interpersonal skills.
The Blessed Prophet always maintained good relations with all his relatives, even though some of them, like his Uncle, Abu Lahb, had tortured him a lot. He never thought of taking revenge and left everything to Allah. He had immense love for his Uncle Abu Talib, who protected him for 40 years, despite the fact that he himself had not accepted Islam. The Prophet was loved so much by his relatives that even though many of them had not accepted Islam, all of them willingly went through the great hardship of socio-economic boycott of the family by the Quraish for three long years.
His love for his first wife Khadija was so great that even after her death he used to maintain good relations with her sister Halah and her friends. Whenever he used to sacrifice any animal, he was very particular to send meat to Khadija’s friends. He frequently used to visit all his relatives and spend time with them.
Prophet Muhammad also had good relationships with his wives. He used to call them by beautiful names. He has such good interpersonal skills with them that they could not envisage their lives without him, nor did they want to live away from him. When the Prophet wanted to divorce his second wife, Sawda, she was extremely upset at this news. His wives viewed separation from him as a calamity, so firmly had he established himself in their hearts. They shared a part in his blessed, mild and natural life. If he had left them, they would have died of despair. After the death of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be to him), Abu Bakr and Umar found the wives of the Prophet weeping whenever they visited them. The Prophet left a lasting impression on everyone. He was a kind and gentle husband and never behaved harshly or rudely. He had so good relationship with them that, all the wives would think they were the most beloved. The interpersonal skills displayed by the Prophet are a true example for all of us.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) was a unique father as well. He treated his children and grandchildren with great compassion, and never neglected to direct them to the hereafter and good deeds. He smiled at them, caressed and loved them, but did not allow them to neglect matters relating to the hereafter. In a hadith narrated by Muslim, Anas bin Malik, honoured as the Messenger’s servant for 10 continuous years, says, “I’ve never seen a man who was more compassionate to his family members than Muhammad.” The Prophet was completely balanced in the way he brought up his children. He carried his grandsons Hasan and Husain, on his back. The Prophet also displayed great interpersonal skills with his daughter, Fatima. As soon as Fatima entered, the Prophet would stand, take her hand and make her sit where he had been sitting. He would ask about her health and family, show her parental love for her and complement her. He loved her like his own self and Fatima, knowing how fond he was of her, loved him more than her own self. He loved his children and grandchildren very much, and instilled love in them.
Zayd was a slave boy who was presented to him by his wife Khadija after their marriage. The Prophet loved him so much that Zayd preferred to stay with him rather than to go back to his own father. Impressed by this devotion, the Prophet declared him to be his adopted son, before his Prophethood. Throughout his life, Zayd was loyal and had great attachment towards the Prophet. The Prophet’s words were a law for him.
Once the Prophet remarked about Umm Ayman, “He that would marry a woman of the people, let him marry Umm Ayman”. Zayd took this remark to his heart and married her, though she was a widow with a child and at least 20 years older than him. She continued to be his wife till the end. It is the interpersonal skills of Prophet Muhammad which created the level of attachment towards him.
When the companions used to meet him, they used to think that he loved them the most; it is because of the way he used to treat every individual. He used to treat everybody with sensitivity and avoid something what the person would not like. Every companion thought that they were the most beloved. He strived to abolish the envy, jealousy and hatred that could exist between them.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) was sent as a mercy for all the worlds; thus, he also displayed high level of interpersonal skills with the non-Muslims. He would always use to speak to them politely; he would forgive them. When the companions used to get angry on the non-Muslims, he (pbuh) used to ask them to calm down. His interpersonal skills inspired the non-Muslims to such an extent that many of them went on to accept Islam.
Islam encourages people to live and work in groups, and for the groups to be efficient and productive, high level of interpersonal skills are required. When he used to meet people, he would shake hands with them and would greet them with a smile. When he used to speak to them, he would totally turn toward them. The body language of Prophet Muhammad also contributed drastically to his interpersonal skills.
The key to good interpersonal skills is, speaking good and being kind with people. The secret of Prophet Mohammed’s success lies in his excellence in human relations. The life of Prophet Muhammad is full of incidents that reveal the uncanny love and affection the companions had. He displayed great interpersonal skills with his wives, children, companions and also the non-Muslims. His charming personality, his treatment, behaviour and concern for everyone brought him closer to every heart. Everyone used to get the impression that he had a special place in the Prophet’s heart. Those who came into contact with him became so influenced by his personality that they would happily sacrifice their wealth, time, talent and happiness for him. If one implements all these skills in his social and professional life, definitely he would see positive results.