The Qur’ān (17 – 22-25) says: “Do not set up any deity side by side with Allah, lest you find yourself disgraced, forsaken. Your Lord has ordained that you shall worship none but Him, and that you must be kind to your parents. Should one of them, or both, attain to old age in your care, never say ‘Ugh’ to them or chide them, but always speak gently and kindly to them. “And spread over them humbly the wings of your tenderness, and say, ‘My Lord, bestow on them Your grace, even as they reared and nurtured me when I was a child’. Your Lord knows best what is in your hearts. If you are righteous, He is certainly Most Forgiving to those who turn repeatedly to Him [seeking His mercy].”
This is a commandment forbidding the association of partners with Allah, the Exalted, and a warning against the results it brings about. “Your Lord has ordained that you shall worship none but Him.” (Ayah 23) This order to offer all worship to Allah alone follows the one prohibiting the association of partners with Allah. It takes the form of a decisive ruling to be implemented without fail, by all mankind. When this basic ruling is well established, individual and community duties are outlined. These rely on a firm belief in the One Allah. Hence, motives and goals behind actions and practices work towards the same end.
Ayahs 23-24 have their confirmation in the hadith of Bukhari where a person reportedly asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ “Which is the most favoured deed in the sight of Allah?” He said, “Salah at its (mustahabb: preferred) time.” The person asked again, “Which is the most favoured deed after that?” To that he said, “Treating parents well.” (Qurtubi)
The children need to be reminded of their duty towards the generation that has become dry, is in need of tender care, after having spent most of its vitality in bringing up their young. Hence, the divine command to take good care of parents comes in the form of a ruling from Allah, following immediately after the command to worship Allah alone.
The old age of parents, when they become helpless, depend on children for everything they need and their life is at the mercy of children, is a terrible condition to be in. The slightest indifference shown by children at such a time breaks their heart. Then, there are those physical infirmities and diseases associated with old age which make one naturally irritation prone.
Furthermore, during the period of extreme old age, when usual reason and comprehension do not seem to be working, some of their wishes and demands assume the kind of proportions which children find difficult to take care of. The Qur’ān takes cognizance of these circumstances, but, while giving children the instruction to comfort them, it reminds them of their own childhood. It tells them that there was a time when they too were far more helpless, far too depending on their parents than their parents were on them at that point of time. Some other important instructions relating to the old age of parents have also been given in the ayat under study. They are as follows:
- “Never say ‘Ugh’ to them”. ‘Ugh’ covers every word or expression that shows one’s displeasure. In a hadith narrated by Ali, the Messenger of Allah said: “Had there been some other degree of hurting lesser than the saying of ‘Ugh’ that too would have certainly been mentioned.” The sense is that even the thing that hurts parents in the lowest of the low degree is forbidden.
- “Do not chide them”. The word used in the Arabic text means ‘scold’ or ‘reproach.’ That it causes pain is already obvious.
- “Always speak gently and kindly to them.” Given in this instruction is a lesson in the art of conversation with parents – talk to them softly with love, grace and concern for them, ‘like a slave talking to his strict master!’ (Ibn Mussaiyyab).
- “And spread over them humbly the wings of your tenderness.” At this point the Qur’ān uses very tender words to touch our hearts and consciences. Mercy and compassion are so heightened that they border on humility, making the son and daughter too respectful to look their parents straight in the face, but willing to obey them. It is as if such tenderness spreads wings over one’s parents. This is followed by a prayer: “My Lord, bestow on them Your grace, even as they reared and nurtured me when I was a child.”
THE MERITS OF OBEYING AND SERVING PARENTS
- Allah’s Messenger said: “The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of a father and the displeasure of Allah in the displeasure of a father.” (Tirmidhi and Mustadrak)
- Al-Baihaqi has reported on the authority of Ibn Abbas that Allah’s Messenger said: “For one who remained obedient to his parents for the sake of Allah two gates of Paradise shall remain open. And for one who disobeyed them two gates of Hell shall remain open, and if he had just one of the two, either father or mother, then, one gate (of Paradise or Hell shall remain open).” Thereupon, someone asked, “Does it (the warning of Hell) hold good even when the parents have been unjust to this person?” Then he said thrice: “Yes, there is that warning of Hell against disobeying and hurting parents even if they were unjust to the son.”
The outcome is that children have no right to settle scores with parents. If they have been unjust, it does not follow that they too back out from obeying and serving them.
- Al-Baihaqi has reported on the authority of Abdullah ibn Abbas that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “An obedient son who looks at his parents with mercy and affection receives the reward of one accepted Hajj against every such look cast.” People around said, “What if he were to look at them like that a hundred times during the day?” He said, “Yes, a hundred times too (he will keep receiving that reward). Allah is great (His treasures never run short).”
Since all feelings, actions and reactions are related to faith, it adds a final comment, referring all matters to Allah, the Exalted, who knows people’s intentions and what lies behind words and actions: “Your Lord knows best what is in your hearts. If you are righteous, He is certainly Most Forgiving to those who turn repeatedly to Him (seeking His mercy).”
Coming as it does immediately before a range of orders, duties and standards, this ayah serves as a guideline for everything we say or do. It also leaves the door open for anyone who makes a mistake or falls short of expectations to declare his repentance and seek forgiveness. When a person’s heart is set on the right track, the door to forgiveness remains open. The ayah mentions those who turn back to Allah, the Exalted, every time they slip or make a mistake.