When I converted to Islam in summer 2002, I was still living with my parents.At the beginning, I thought I could be a good Muslim even without wearing aheadscarf. I thought I would never find the courage to go out with it, to face thepeople I knew since I was a child, to enter a shop or to go on with my life in thisnew outfit.
Besides, I was not really convinced that God wants us to cover our bodies andour hair. I was still partially affected by the Christian idea that “faith is in heart”and that exterior appearance is not so important. Then, as I learnt more andmore about Islam, I gradually changed my mind.
I came to understand that in Islam there is no scission between body andmind, deeds and spirit. Before praying, we clean our body as well as ourhearts. When we pray, we prostrate both with our forehead and with our spirit.When I knew that, the wish to wear hijab grew stronger, but still I was thinking Iwould never have the courage to take this step.
I had to learn how to wear a scarf properly, at least to pray at home and at themosque. I admired Muslim women with very fashionable scarves but I couldnot understand how they do it! I started studying every woman wearing hijab Isaw on the street, and some of them noticed my curiosity, maybe they thoughtI was looking at them in a bad way, maybe they thought I was a racist! Howcould they imagine that I was trying to understand how they wear those things!
At that time, I used to buy books from the only Islamic library in Milan, and Inoticed that the girl working there was very religious and very friendly. Oneday, I went to the shop and she was alone, so I found the courage to ask her,“I’m sorry, could you teach me how to wear the headscarf?” My questionsurprised her, she did not know I was a Muslim, but did not say anything. Sheclosed the shop, took off her veil and showed me slowly how to wear it. Thenshe gave me one and I tried it on myself, and I discovered that it was very easyto wear!
That was my first hijab, a simple, white one. I loved it so much. It is still with meand I still wear it sometimes, although it is already old.
The following day I took it in my bag to the university. I had found an emptyroom to pray at my working place. Then the telephone rang, it was the girl ofthe library; I had given her my number the day before and she asked me to goto the mosque with her – it was a Friday.
I accepted, and then I realised that yes, I had a headscarf, but the rest of myclothes were not very suitable to go to the mosque. I was wearing a long skirtbut it opened when I walked, and the sleeves of my shirt were not longenough. What could I do? I walked with very, very little steps, like a geisha, toavoid my skirt to get opened, and I reached a shop beside the university.
There, I bought pins and I used them to close my skirt, probably I looked like aMuslim punk! Then I put on a jacket (although it was summer!) and went to themosque. So, that was my first time walking in Milan with hijab. I felt the eyes ofthe people looking at me, my face looked very Italian and my outfit was nottypical Islamic, especially when I had to speak and they understood I wasItalian, I drove so much attention! I must admit I felt ashamed, but at the sametime I was proud of my scarf, I liked it, I felt good in it.
The experience at the mosque was wonderful and I started going every Friday.With the coming of autumn, and then winter, it became easier to get properclothes and I started wearing the scarf every time I had the possibility to – andevery time I was sure that I won’t meet any of my family members.
Once I visited a friend in Bologna and I kept the hijab all the time. Maybe it wasbecause I got used to it and I was behaving in a natural way, people alsostopped staring at me. It was only when I talked that they seemed surprised.
A few months later, I got married and I moved to another country. Nobodyknew me there and it was the perfect time to start wearing hijab. During thefirst days, I was still a little bit embarrassed, then it became the most naturalthing in the world.
When I was ready to go out, I put on my shoes and I put on my hijab; I wouldnever forget to put on shoes when I go out and also I would not never forget toput on the hijab as well!
I have bought many new scarves, and I enjoyed matching them with myclothes, I know that hijab is about modesty, but still we can also look elegant init. My only fear was not being able to get a job because of it and, although Ihad faith, my faith was not strong enough to keep my heart in peace.
Sometimes I could not sleep at night because of the thoughts I had about thedifficulty of finding a job that would accept me wearing hijab.I should have kept in my mind these beautiful verses of the Qur’ān:
“And whoever is careful of (his duty to) Allah, He will make for him an outlet,and give him sustenance from whence he thinks not; and whoever trusts inAllah, He is sufficient for him; surely Allah attains His purpose; Allah indeedhas appointed a measure for everything.” (At-Talaq 65:2-3)
And indeed, al-hamdulillah, I was able to find two jobs just some weeks afterstarting wearing hijab!
At the end of my story, I would like to tell newly converted women thatsometimes we are put under pressure from other Muslim sisters, who meanwell, to wear a headscarf, and maybe a jilbab too, just short after ourconversion, my personal advice would be to take it easy, step by step. With thegradual growing of faith and love for Islam, wearing hijab will come like anatural thing, but it does not make sense if we are forced to wear it.
Remember that the verse which made the hijab a duty on Muslim women wasrevealed when the Prophet ﷺwas living in Madinah when the faith of thebelievers became strong and they were ready to obey all the commands ofAllah. It was Allah’s wisdom to wait till that moment, and with the same wisdomwe should practise our religion. (Islamonline)