Anthropologists believe that our Indian subcontinent has a long history spanning over five thousand years of human habitation. Like a salad bowl, varieties and differences mark our existence. Our cultures and traditions energise us and give meaning to our life.
However, it should be said that the socio-cultural way of life has a number of elements that are inhuman. One such inhuman practice is demand of dowry from the bride’s family. It is one of the biggest social evils along with casteism, child marriage and many other dehumanising practices.
Though it is unlawful to demand or give dowry, the practice is a pan-Indian phenomenon. It is practised khule aam even by some lawmakers and social celebrities. Many consider it a matter of prestige if they could not pay enough dowry when their girl children are married off.
Moreover, dowry has become a kind of bargain: the more the groom is well placed in life the more the demand is. The concept behind this attitude is to take back the money the groom’s parents spent on their son’s education. The question is whether they sell their boys in the matrimony market? The groom’s family hardly thinks that way.
Besides dowry, the bride’s parents have to spend a lot on wedding dinner, decoration and on all the pomp and show. The matter is not going to end there. The demands keep coming every now and then! The bride’s family has to cough up money and gifts on different occasions, festivals, and especially on the birth of their grandchild. The beneficiaries of these ‘gifts’ even include the in-laws! It’s customary to send the daughter-in-law to her parents’ home when she is expecting her first baby. The girl’s family has to bear the whole medical expenses also.
Many girls are humiliated for not bringing the adequate dowry and are often sent back to their parents’ homes. We read reports of ‘burning brides’. Such reports are hardly taken care of. Such practices not only dehumanise women but also cause a huge financial burden on the girl’s family. There are many women who have to remain unmarried due to dowry. Such a practice is at the root of female infanticide and selective foeticide of girl children and many other social evils.
As for Islam, it is totally against the dowry system. Islam establishes a society based on justice and humanity. If the bride’s arranges some necessary domestic articles, keeping in view the bridegroom’s financial position, it is acceptable; but demand-oriented dowry as well as voluntarily giving a lot of costly articles like refrigerator, TV set, AC, etc. for the sake of pomp and show is not allowed in Islam.
We should know for certain that a society that dehumanises women has no future. So this social system has to change. We cannot simply wait for the change to occur itself. We need to act; we need to change our mindset. Young men should resolve not to demand and even accept dowry and young women should be firm in not giving dowry. Both should feel that it is a dehumanising evil.
[TAMANNA MOBEEN AZMI is a Research Scholar, Department of Islamic Studies, Jamia Millia Islamia, New Delhi]