Islam has greatly emphasised the importance of being affectionate, caring, devoting and respecting towards parents, Mother and Father. In our babyhood and childhood, we essentially required the defence, feel affection, development and cultivation from our parents. On the other hand, when our parents become old, they need us to look after them and take care of them.
Mother’s rights are three times more than father’s!
Nevertheless, out of the two parents, the mother has been given superiority and preference as far as compassion and sympathy is concerned.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) once said that the rights of mother upon the children are three times more than the rights of father as far as kindness, compassion and sympathy are concerned.
Narrated by Abu Hurairah: a man came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?”
The Prophet said, “Your mother.”
The man asked, “Who is next?”
The Prophet said, “Your mother.”
The man further enquired, “Who is next?”
The Prophet said, “Your mother.”
The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?”
The Prophet said, “Your father.”
Listen to Ali Bin Husain, the great-grandson of the Prophet, who said: “Coming to the rights of relatives, it is the right of your mother that you should appreciate that she carried you (in her uterus) as nobody carries anybody, and fed you the fruits of her heart which nobody feeds anybody, and protected you (during pregnancy) with her ears, hands, legs, hair, limbs, with her whole being, gladly, cheerfully and carefully; suffering patiently all the fears, pains, difficulties and sorrowfulness (of pregnancy), till the hand of Allah separate you from her and brought you into this world.”
– “Then she was most happy feeding you, even if she herself had no clothes; giving you milk and water; not caring for her own thirst; keeping you in the shade, even if she had to suffer from the heat of the sun; giving you every comfort with her own hardship; lulling you to sleep while keeping herself awake.”
– “And remember that
her uterus was your home, and her lap your refuge, and her breast your feeder, and her whole existence your protection; It was she, not you, who was braving the heat and cold of this world for your safety.”
“Therefore, you must remain thankful, grateful and indebted to her accordingly.”
What if the mother is nonbeliever or agnostic?
Allah has obligated the good treatment of parents that are agnostic. Give them respect and kindness. By Allah, their rights are among the most important and most certain rights, and fulfilling these rights in a proper manner is one of the most difficult and most important duties. The one who is guided to do this is truly guided, and the one who is not helped to do this is truly deprived.
It is narrated by Asma bint Abu Bakr that during the treaty of Hudaibiyah, her mother, who was then pagan, came to see her from Makkah. Asma informed the Messenger of Allah of her arrival and also that she needed help. He said: Be good to your mother (Bukhari, Muslim).
BE DEVOTED TO THY PARENTS
Allah has commanded us to treat our parents well and the rights of the mother in this regard have been emphasised more than those of the father.
Allah has commanded us to treat our parents with respect and kindness, and lowering the wing of humility to them, not answering them harshly or glaring at them, not raising one’s voice to them, but being as humble towards them as a slave towards his master.
You have to be patient with your mother and put up with the harsh treatment on her part, which at times maybe upsetting to you. By treating her with respect and dealing with her kindly, you will earn her good pleasure and love. Try to avoid things that will provoke her and make her angry, even if they are in your interests, without causing harm to yourself.
MOTHER’S RIGHTS OVER HER CHILD
The mother has rights throughout her life; and also when she dies, the mother has many major rights over her child. These rights are innumerable, but we may conclude her rights in the following:
(1) Love and respect, as much as possible, because she is the most deserving of people of her son’s good companionship.
(2) Taking care of her and looking after her affairs if she needs that; this is a debt that rests on the child’s shoulders. Did she not take care of him when he was a child and stay up with him at night and bear it all with patience?
“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says: “O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou hast bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou may best approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam.” (Surah 46:15)
(3) Not offending her or saying or doing anything that they dislike.
If Allah has forbidden us even to say “uff” [paraphrased as “a word of disrespect” in the translation of the meaning of the verse] to our parents, then how about someone who hits them?!
(4) Spending on her if she is in need and does not have a husband who can spend on her or if her husband is poor; for the righteous, spending on one’s mother and feeding her is more precious than feeding their own children.
(5) Obeying her when she tells you to do something good. But if she tells you to do something bad, such as shirk, then there should be no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience of the Creator.
However, still the mother has rights after her death.
(1) After one’s mother dies, it is essential to fulfil any vows that she had made, and to give charity and perform good things on her behalf.
(2) After she dies, it is also mandatory to honour her by maintaining ties with those whom she used to keep in touch with, such as her relatives and friends.
If we go through the verses of the Holy Qur’ān, the following points are evident:
(1) Parents’ rights are next to those of Almighty Allah.
(2) Children should show considerable patience and magnanimity towards their aging parents.
(3) Parents should be respected and revered throughout their lifetimes.
(4) Children should adopt attitudes of humbleness, politeness, and obedience for the parents. They should readily carry out the orders of parents and also feel comforted by doing so.
(5) Children should always pray to Almighty Allah to be merciful and kind to their parents in their old age as they had been considerate and kind to them in their hour of need.
Abu Osaid narrated that once, while he was sitting with the Holy Prophet, someone asked the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) whether there were any steps which he could take to benefit his parents even after their death. The Holy Prophet replied, “Yes”, there are four such things: (1) to pray for their deliverance and forgiveness, (2) to accomplish their promises and carry out the proper wills, (3) to respect and treat their friends well, (4) and to be nice and kind to those who are related to you through your parents.” (Al Adab Al-Mufrad)
And herein is the golden saying about the mother’ rights in a few words,
The mother is your way to the heaven.
Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother (Ahmad, Nasai).
More than 1400 years ago, the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be to him) said:
“The paradise is under the feet of the mothers.”
These are the mothers’ rights in Islam.