The effects of anger on a child’s personality are complex and immense. Mothers of young children are often burdened by their workload, fatigue or weakness, and resent their children’s mischievousness. Subsequently, they shout and issue orders. These mothers feel that unless the children are frightened with anger, they do not listen. According to experts, this idea is wrong.
The effects of parental anger on children’s personality:
When mothers shout at their children, two scenarios emerge: one, the child is frightened and runs to work in fear but his decision-making power is permanently affected. He just becomes a slave to the command. Let him decide. Give him the option to give priority to the things running in his mind. The second case arises when a voice or command reprimanded with anger dulls his mind, and he keeps looking at you like a fool. Your command has not reached his ears; his understanding has been badly affected by your screams and angry expressions. This is the case with very sensitive children.
The long-term effects on the personality are such that they become less comprehensible.
In critical situations like fire or an accident, they lose the power to make decisions in a fraction of a second. They lose confidence in themselves and need confirmation of their decision from others. Your anger sends a message to them that they are worthless in your eyes, so they hurt themselves. They can be aggressive. You may have noticed that there is often a child in the house who blames his parents for all his failures.
Love the children unconditionally!
Unconditional love strengthens children’s trust in parents. Their attachment to their parents is emotional.
Unconditional love is the most difficult process. For unconditional love, it is necessary that there should not be even a hint of showing unkindness (rudeness).
How to control anger?
Mothers should refrain from any activity or gathering where irritating stimuli are at work.
- Family gatherings where children are excessively compared. There is often an atmosphere of pride and rivalry over the colour or the body of children. Keep children away from these parties.
- The mood of contempt and ridicule over the educational result of children – children are most affected by it. Keep away from it.
- Do not be jealous or compare your child with other people’s children, this thing hurts children very much.
- If you are angry about a child’s mischief, apply anger management tips. It means – getting in the habit of looking at children’s mischief from a new angle. Be positive about it. Never say or think that the child is bad inherently.
- Diverting attention is an art, both for yourself and for your children. This technique should be learned. First of all, learn this technique to get yourself out of the thing that is stuck in your mind, so that your mental health is not affected. When you succeed in diverting yourself, they will also learn the art of drawing attention to something else instead of distracting the child.
- To avoid anger, it is important that you do not increase the workload. If the child is less than ten years old at home, learn to set priorities. For this, you can seek the help of a counsellor, so that the mental workload does not create a mental disorder, and the child does not suffer from it.
- In order to understand the feelings of a child, it is necessary that you get eye contact and eye interactions with your children. Dr. John Gottam wrote in his book, The Heart of Parenting: “By peeking into your child’s eyes, you are able to convince them that you are free to listen to the whole conversation.”
- Accept all the strengths and weaknesses of the child, and if you respect him then the child also accepts others with their strengths and weaknesses and also learns the art of respecting others.
[Dr Khan Mubashsharah Firdous is Writer, Editor Haadiya E Magazine, Principal IqraCollege of Arts and Science, Aurangabad, Maharashtra, Career and Family Counsellor.]